To Myself.

To Myself

W.S Merwin

Even when I forget you

I go on looking for you

I believe I would know you

I keep remembering you

sometimes long ago but then

other times I am sure you

were here a moment before

and the air is still alive

around where you were and I

think then I can recognize

you who are always the same

who pretend to be time but

you are not time and who speak

in the words but you are not

what they say you who are not

lost when I do not find you

There are two pictures above this text, in the first picture picture there are several faces. One face in particular floats alone by itself in the corner. That beautiful face is of my oldest cousin Michael Brandon Shahan, to whom I lovingly called Brandon (and on the rarest occasions- Bam Bam). The second picture is of my loving Uncle Charles. Unfortunately, both Uncle Charles and Brandon's lives ended early so we had to say goodbye to Uncle Charles in 2005 and soon after- Brandon in 2007.  

When I read the beginning of this poem I automatically saw their faces much as you are seeing them now, I saw them perfectly as if it was the picture itself I was staring at. Sometimes I find myself questioning if I have forgotten them entirely and wishing that I could go back and look for them, luckily, God puts His hand on me and offers His guidance and love by showing me their beautiful faces in pictures like these. That is when I realize that they are not lost to me, and that I can still remember them.

In the second part of this poem I saw and heard someone completely different. When I read it, I felt like the description was of God Himself. By saying," I think I can recognize you who are always the same who pretend to be time but you are not time and who speak in the words but you are not what they say." When I think of God I think of a being that is ultimately divine and cannot be measured in ANY way humanely possible. He is in everything we do, and yet remains the same through out the ages. He is NOT time, and he is NOT words- but something far greater. It is remarkable how our mind works because as I am thinking of my family members, the second part of the poem is of my second half.

I absolutely LOVED this poem. No more needs to be said about it :)